5e Throning Games: I'm just saying, up here at the Wall, things are cold.

Arsy uncle? Handled. Two dragon horns? Weilded. Gigantic wall? Arrived at. And man are there so many white walkers. Well, at least we have a plan, right? Right? *shakes head* Of course we never have a plan. Better pull one of the crazy plans out of your backside regions, because man are we going to need it!

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5e Throning Games: One arsy uncle, two dragon horns, and the biggest wall you've ever seen.

What do you do with an arsy uncle?

What do you do with an arsy uncle?

What do you do with an arsy uncle?

...wait, I may have used this before. Hm. This is complicated now. How embarrassing. So, you guys just go sit over there and wait a minute while I figure out how to introduce this episode. It'll just be a few minutes. I promise. 

Hey, what are you doing? Don't push that play button! I haven't introduced it yet! Aw, man. Fine. 

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5e Throning Games: Yeah, fine, your crazy-ass plan succeeded. Hush.

The conquest of Westeros is going oh so well when suddenly...a wild Winter appears! That messenger sure was surprising, but his news was even more surprising: strange creatures of cold threaten the success of our favorite newlyweds' nation-attaining plans! It's time to cajole, bribe, and intimidate everybody left. Or else...

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5e Throning Games: If you roll high enough, you sure can [insert crazy-ass plan].

So, now it's time to face those enemies and plan those plans. Does the plan sound impossible and crazy? All the more reason to try it!  

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5e Throning Games: And now we're rolling for that Intrigue, we're rollin', we're rolling'.

All hail Queen Osha of the Iron Born! And her charismatic consort, Ser Charles! But don't celebrate too long--the forces of various enemies are amassing at various points on the map. Look at all those tokens of portent! Gather your best rolls: it's time to take over Westeros!

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5e Throning Games: That's the Gaston track, so how are you at expectorating?

So now we've got two dragon horns. Oh yeah. Oh. Yeah. Next thing: taking over the world. After all, we've been plotting it every night for who knows how long. The real question is: can we get Gaston on our side? Or will all the expectorating fall to Ser Charles? Really, though, he'd totally delegate it. I don't know what I was thinking there. So. Dragon horns. The world. We're ready.

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5e Throning Games: You've got a dragon horn? Yeah, well we've got one, too!

And now, without further ado, it's time for the Kiiiiiiiiiiing's Mooooooooot! In this corner, is the dashing and resilient young daughter of Balon Greyjoy and her handsome, yet foppish, consort-to-be! In that corner, the brutal ruler of the navy, with his unwashed hair and shiny new horn! Who will garner the votes they need to take the throne of the Iron Born? Who will wield the silver tongue and sharper sword necessary to rule the seas and coasts? It's time to find out!

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5e Throning Games: Also, theoretically, would you be cool with this insanely ridiculous plan that I just brainstormed?

The king's moot is coming. The king's moot is coming. The king's moot is coming, and we totally have to win. Good thing we saved the king's soul. I think. But we do have this mysterious horn that we got from Flint's Fingers. That has to be important to winning. Yeah. We've got this. We've definitely got this. 

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5e Throning Games: I don't know about that monster, but there's a lemur under the bed.

After the midnight traipse onto the rope bridges, the king needed to retrieve his soul. So dark words were spoken and the rolls commenced! But...wait...what's up with the fuzzy creature under the bed? Is that the king's soul or his nemesis? What ever will the party do now?

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5e Throning Games: So where do we get a Kraken soul anyway?

Wandering along

the rope bridge the king didn't see

the shadow creature.

Darkness surrounds us

as we acrobat our way

to uncertain end.

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5e Throning Games: Let's all get drunk and use fire!

What to do; what to do? Oh yes. Convince the Greyjoys to buy our deal, then take over the world. That's what to do. Hey, we powered our way to complete control of Flint's Fingers. What objections can anyone have? We're awesome and you know it, Balon, whether you want to admit it or not. We've got this.

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5e Throning Games: You can name the terms you want because it's all in how you sell the deal!

Flint's Fingers is won! Huzzah for victory and conquest! Now all that remains is to sell the case to the rest of the Greyjoy clan. Will Resys solidify here terms with a king who lives by the iron price? Or will all these efforts and vine traps lead only to ruination and despair? Tune in and see whose charming words and sweet talk win the day!

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5e Throning Games: Who reads books of bad dragon poetry, and what do we do with the Giant?

The trap has been sprung, the prisoners as well;

The room with the tables is burning like Hell;

And the new guy is something we’ve not seen before—

He flies through the air and lands badly placed on the floor.

We’re not worried now, for we’re sure to win,

But there is the issue of a giant within.

Will he be a dark threat? Will he turn the tide?

If we sneak around, will there be treasure beside?

Oh well! Here’s goes nothing! A shout and a blow!

This new episode is full of great stuff, doncha know!

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5e Throning Games: Spikevines, arrows, flaming tables--Oh My!

All those spiky vines on the floor; tables in flame throughout the room; arrows raining down--what to do, what to do? Vaulting flips, is the obvious answer! How will those rolls work out? Where will the fairy lights guide those flame bolts? Tune in and see!

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5e Throning Games: You want a trap? We'll give you a trap!

The plan is made! The GM is shocked! The players are malevolently exited! But will it work? Or will everyone roll 9's? Ser Charles's future depends on success. Here goes nothing!

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5e Throning Games: Let's have a party at Flint's Fingers! I'm going to slide down the bannister!

And now, the assault on Flint's Fingers you've all been waiting for! Our contestants are: a cold, stony keep overlooking the ocean and staffed by a skeleton...crew, skeleton crew; and Ser Charles and Company, looking to prove his worth as a boughten husband! Who will win? Who will lose? Let's all cheer them on here on today's episode of Wrangling for Weddings in Westeros!

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5e Throning Games: Intermissions are great, but which door do I choose?

Flying ships, sleeping gods, robots in disguise, ....Wait. That's the wrong story. Ahem. Where were we? Ah yes....

War is over, monsters are killed, and now the terms of allegiance roll in. But who to trust? And which will best ensure the future of the House and the lives of its inhabitants. So many choices. Maybe Ser Charles is right, and when in doubt you pick the offer made by the prettiest girl? Hm.

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5e Throning Games: A Brief Interlude before the Wreckateers Wreck It Up

Hello again, fair listeners!

Here we offer a brief pause before the Wreckateers meet the Sleeping God and determine the destiny of an entire plane of existence. Take a breath and enjoy the comedic stylings of Ser Charles and the band of merry Westerosians as they level up and forge a treaty. Gather your energies for the final fight along with us! Be prepared!

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5e Throning Games: All I know is, where there's smoke, there's Surprise!

And now, we have reached the last of our interrupting trio of 5e sessions. Yet, fear not! This story shall indeed continue at later dates to be announced in future times. For now, though, attend as our fabulous Ser and his crew of minions...ahem, I mean mercenaries, face the dark things that turn up as they chase down smoke and merchants. In all, it shall be a raucous adventure to not wrap things up at all! But, fair listeners, there are still undead crew to manage and wakened gods to destroy. All things in their time.

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5e: Throning Games: Fish or Foul - Let's Make a Deal!

In our last episode, your favorite D&D crew rolled up some jokes and hijinks and some characters came out the other end. There was a sick lord, a fabulous Ser, and a crew of mercenaries who had seen better days. And now all must gather together to meet and greet the Codds, hopefully with some bargaining chips to lay on the table. Will the fabulous Ser and his dismissive sister take the money in front of them, or will they take a chance on what's behind the curtain? It's time to make a deal!

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